Pizza Express

Website
23-24 High Street
Rugby
Warwickshire
CV21 3BG
01788 553 220

 As performed by The New Awesome Foursome, The Pole, Daddy’s Boy and The Little Chef.  

          We don’t usually do chains if we can help it, but we made an exception tonight; after all, we make the rules, therefore we can do what we like.  One advantage is that there is a 25% off voucher available online so it was going to be cheap at least.  The MNEC and The Little Chef were present tonight and we had a lovely table for eight with plenty of room, but unfortunately we didn’t have a view of the open kitchen, which does look impressive. The Merchant arrived at Late o’clock as usual despite having one of the shortest journeys to make. 
          With The Chief still persevering on his giving up bread for lent, this menu was looking difficult, as the name implies, it is quite pizza-heavy.  Luckily there is a pasta section which he had to use, there was a salad bit as well but obviously no one with a penis would even think about that. 
          When we ordered drinks we knew straight away that it wasn’t going to be good coke, bottles at about £2.50 a pop where not appreciated, but you can’t win them all.  The Pole‘s Peroni for £6.95 was ridiculously priced as well.   The large amount of unnecessary shit on the table such as candle holders that weren’t lit, a pepper shaker and no salt, wine glasses and water glasses made it a bit crowded, and nothing was removed by the staff which was a bit annoying as we are quite used to the whole situation of them asking if you want wine and then clearing the glasses. 
          Daddy’s Boy‘s new job in a few weeks means that he will be changing his company car, probably to some sort of Lexus and it’s amazing the number of Lexi (plural) that you see around.  As we always say, they’re like the Japanese Mercedes.  We are looking at making things a bit more business like here at MNEC and the first move we have made is to buy the URL for our website, and as some of you may already know, we are now officially a dot com business.  We will hopefully be claiming the tax back on our expenses, known in the biz as ‘raping the system’- everyones doing it so we are jumping on the bandwagon.  Things are moving fast and although we aren’t quite at the stage where we can all retire and do this full time, its only a matter of time; we are after all- worldwide.

←  Dough balls sounded interesting but were clearly not home made and small and boring. 

→  Bruschetta was average, simple stuff done well.

←  The highlight of the starters, meatballs with spicy tomato sauce and bread.  Popular with three of the group. 

→  Mozzarella with tomatoes, good job it had pesto otherwise it would have been pretty bland- The Chief.

          The starters came out pretty slowly really, and as tonight was a late booking anyway we were absolutely ready for it by the time they arrived.  Everything was hot but it was all fairly small, and for the prices it seemed incredibly expensive.  The meatballs were over £5 each and although they were all right, just weren’t worth it.  But we were hopefully having discount so we weren’t too bothered; it was at this point that The Merchant pulled through for us, eventually finding the 25% discount code on his phone, we did know it was available but none of us had actually brought it with us.
          The restaurant by this time was nearly empty and we don’t know why, Rugby does tend to turn into a bit of a ghost town at night these days but it was still a warm, nicely decorated restaurant with a lovely atmosphere and it felt like it should have been busier.   While we were here, Awesome and The Favourite were round the corner dining in rival Italian eatery Prezzo, and as they finished earlier than us, decided to have a wee dram in Lloyd’s bar opposite whilst watching Aston Villa get robbed by Man City. 

←  Spicy Pasta with meatballs for The Chief, bread free and kept him quiet.  They did try and serve him the meatball pizza but as that’s definitely not what he ordered he had to refuse, what willpower. 

→ Pepperoni Pizza, simple and was the first to disappear at the hands of The Merchant. 

←  Calzone for The Jockey, previously described by him as the best calzone he had ever had.  It lived up to its reputation and looked good on the slate plate. 

→  ‘Our Hottest Pizza’ was incredibly spicy according to Daddy’s Boy and went down a treat. 

←  Canneloni was a bit of a cop out but The Captain didn’t fancy pizza after having overdosed last Monday.  Still bubbling for a few minutes after being served- nice stuff. 

→ Cock Meat Sandwich for The Little Chef– stick with what you know I guess.  However, unfortunately this is not what he had tonight but it is his usual favourite.  What he actually had tonight would offend more people so we have chosen not to show it in the pictures.  Brace yourselves for a MNEC first: Salad!  Awful choice, it will not happen again. 

          The cheek of The Little Chef left us all gasping, he decides to attend MNEC once in a blue moon and then has the audacity to order a salad.  It disgusts us all and the fact that nobody noticed him order it and therefore it came out as a surprise, us all looking confused as she asked “who had the salad?”, we were sat there like “What the fuck?!”.  Needless to say that we will be taking revenge the next time we drink with him, which looks like it will be this Monday coming up.  The possibility of a free bar sounds too good to turn down and will help in the retribution that we will enact. 
          After eating we attempted to pay the bill and unfortunately it wasn’t simple as we already had outstanding debts left after last weeks takeaways, and it worked out as being less than £20 each and none of us had any change.  In the end we payed 20 squid per person and took a tenner out of the pile to use for drinks with The Favourite and Awesome.  We paid and made the 30 second journey over the road, to find the ladies looking very merry, Awesome informed us that she wasn’t drunk just very tired after being awake for nearly 32hours, however we weren’t fully convinced.  After we had been there about half an hour, she decided to tell us what she would do for a grand: lick a wet cats bum, eat a white dog turd, and for £10,000 anyone could have their way with her.  The Captain then checked his wallet to find out what was going to happen later…and let me tell you that was the best fiver I have ever spent.   

Server: Avoid We had a choice of two but weren’t happy with either.

Quote of the Evening
“What did you ask for, camp?” – The Captain upon seeing The Jockey‘s new haircut.